It is undeniable that the Internet has opened avenues of communication that did not exist just 10 years ago. We now have the ability to "reach out and touch someone" half the world away with the touch of a few keys. Cameras and microphones allow us to see and hear people instantly. Or, for the true multitasker, text-based IM lets you communicate with multiple people all at the same time, none of them knowing that they don't have your full attention.
Some argue that the Internet has increased our ability to communicate and connect with people because we can more easily meet new people and more easily stay in touch with old friends. Others argue that the Internet has decreased our intepersonal communication skills because many of the traditional communication elements are missing from Internet-based communication. As a provider of instant messenging software, this debate is not foreign to me and it is something that I wonder: am I helping people become better communicators or am I degrading human communication?
I went and looked today and realized that I have spoken to thousands and thousands of people on BitWise using my "welcome to BitWise" message. I certainly don't talk to everyone (if I did I'd be chatting all day, every day), but I can say that I have met some interesting people (in both good and bad ways), and have even made some new friends. Yet, and no offense to those friends who are probably reading this, my best friends are still those whom I can hang out with, play games with, go out to eat with, laugh with, joke with, talk walks with, etc. There are elements of communication and friendship that just don't get transmitted through your ethernet card, no matter how many megabits you have.
Is instant messaging a great technology? Absolutely. But woe to those whom forget what communication really is and let humanity drain out of talking to another person. Don't forget to sign off of BitWise (or any of the other "inferior" chat programs you may use... ha) every once in a while. If you find yourself IMing your next door neighbor (we've all done it), get off your lazy butt. Don't run all of humanity through a small 17" rectangle.
Either that, or get a much bigger monitor. ;)
finally, i have something to comment about! :D
Kevin, you are helping me and others communicate...let me tell you why!
i have more online friends than i have friends in real life, 100's of them. and then there are the 1000's that i have talked to over the last 10 years that i've had internet access. i spend lots of time on the internet. i also have a small set of really good internet friends, some are better than my real friends. some live in differnt parts of the world. but there are those few that live within close distance, great friends, we talk online all the time, but we rarely meet in person. usually i dont think about it, but when i do - its strange. sure, friends are better when you can interact with them, but they dont neccesairly have to be your best friends. the best friends are the ones you enjoy being with the most, and if you enjoy being there virtually, i think thats ok too.
the internet is my #1 way of keeping in touch, people have a better chance of talking to me if they msg or email me, better chance than calling me on the phone. i talk more with all my friends on the internet then i do in real life. maybe we are becoming extremely lazy? probably. but me and my group of friends, we're boring...very. so it does not matter if i go over to their place, or if i sit infront of my 19" tube, we will still have nothing to do ;-)
IM'ing my next door neighbour? not exactly. i IM my friend from across the street daily though. at school i IM the people across the school, the room, and even the person right beside me. its a sad day when you can read what the person is typing to you before they send you the message. but what else you gonna do when the teacher is talking? :P
its not necesairly lazy, its more convenient. faster than dialing #"s, faster than getting up and moving. no way you can talk to 10 friends at once irl, but on the internet you can at least have that illusion.
I certainly have online friends too. But if I had to choose X number of friends that I wanted to keep (this is one of those hypothetical questions), I think I would choose all people that I know from "real life" (apologies to all my virtual friends out there!). While I do know some people well, exclusively through the Internet, I don't feel that I know any of them as well as I know the people I physically interact with--even if I see those people far less frequently than I "see" my online friends. I'm no psychologist (I wish I was!) or sociologist, but I'd bet that the "experts" would say that feeling strange when you physically interact with your friends is not "healthy." Do I agree? To some extent, I do. Sure, it would be strange to meet someone in person after knowing them exclusively through the Internet, but I personally hope I never find interacting with a friend strange.
I'll take a phone a call over email or IM anyday. I frequently get frustrated by the limits of IM for carrying on a conversation. When I'm really excited, or frustrated, or sad, it's really annoying (to me) to have to type--I just want to blurt it out! You say it's faster than dialing or getting up, but if you have a story to tell me, it's going to be way faster to say it out loud than type it all out. Even great typists are limited to 80-100 words per minute, and we can talk many many times faster than that. Talking to multiple people at once to me is ofter frustrating too, because I feel like I'm talking to no one--just trying to keep track of what I'm saying and respond.
On the flip side, some "experts" might say that IM is a great enabler for your personality type, that if you did not have IM that your social contact would be even more limited, in which case your ability to IM and communicate that way is substantially improving your life over what it could be without it. Unfortunately, there's really no way to test that.
In any case, I don't feel at all bad expressing that I don't condone IMing during class. :-P
Lastly, some of you may know that I possess degrees in both Business and Engineering. If I were to get another (wouldn't that be a trip), it would be in the Arts--Psychology. I'm sure that provides a large insight into my interest in this topic. Computers and psychology are far more related than they appear to be at first glance...
I think there's an intrinsic value to physical closeness. You obvious gain (or lose) more in person. That is, there's more substance. So, I would think people in a relationship (friends, romantic, family, etc.) ultimately would prefer more intimate means of communication. Of course, it also means that if you've never meant someone and you eliminate that physicality, then you eliminate the greater potential to lose a relationship.
I think as a straight value, the Internet offers the ability to meet people you never would have known about or had the ability to speak with otherwise. I've made friends from around the globe. I've also had the opportunity to speak to idols.
Then, there's the fact that many people have little hang-ups with other forms of communication. I know I loathe speaking on the phone. I put off making particular phone calls for days, maybe weeks. I hate it so much. I don't like people having the ability to contest or counter me on the phone. I don't know why it is. I don't mind it with any other form of communication, heh. It's a little nuerotic quirk of mine.
Yeah, there's more to be offered and thus gained from a more physical relationship. I think some people use the Internet as a hiding ground from the rest of the world. That's not so cool. Some people use it to meet those they never could otherwise. Then, there are those, I think, that use the Internet to be *more* social than they could be otherwise. They use the Internet as a means to overcome their anxieties about other forms of relation.
Of course, my degrees are in Computer Science and Math. If I were to earn another, it would likely be a higher degree in one of those two fields or a degree in Physics. So, what do I know about psychology? ;-)
2 years ago I met my best friend in real life for the first time after talking to him exclusively online for 3 years. When we met, there was no weird feeling, or anything that seemed out of place. When he arrived at my house, we just unpacked his computer and setup our mini-LAN. The rest of the week was a blast, but that's an entirely different story.
The two of us have a connection that I don't have with anyone else. We initially met playing a game of Team Fortress Classic, and got to talking after the server died and wouldn't load a new map.
I can't say I believe in fate... but it's hard not to sometimes. -=)
Not sure where I was going with this. I'm getting distracted by several different people at the same time... so, yeah. Take what you will from it.
i have not made any best friends online, but i think it would be a potential if i talked with more people from burlignton, my home town. the population here is 150,000 - so its not small. but in random chats i have only met 1 person from burlington in my long online adventure. and so making a best friend would be very difficult if you cannot see them. although i guess there is potential in having a best-online friend...but im not sure i could do that.
i also know there are area-targeted places to chat, but i never feel right in those. i find the best places to get new friends are in places you normally hang in. most of the online friends i have now come from midtown madness, a game we played a long time ago. till this day the whole group stays in touch, we have our own forum, and even though very few people play the game, we still talk online.
i forgot to add this point in my original comment. i wasnt the most popular in high-school, far from it. i didnt leave high-school with any close friends. but, because of the internet, i keep in constant touch with just under a dozen people i knew, some that i didnt even know so well. our school recently (sometime this year) set up an alumni service, where graduates of our school can post their name/email. currently this system is not working..but as soon as it is, i will be adding anyone i ever knew onto my contact list :P - people i would have probably never talked to again in my life, people that could suddenly become my friend. amazing.
I had a friend in college that hated the phone too. She hated the phone and was really untalkative if you called her, even though she's really chatty in person. I'll confess to a small "thing" with phones, I don't like calling strangers, but in my line of work, I've pretty much gotten over that one. :)
For the record, I wasn't the popular jock in high school either (I'm sure that no one is going to have a hard time believing that). However, even as one of the two resident mega-nerds (looking back, it really wasn't that bad), I actually had quite a few friends. One of them I'm now in business with, and another one still keeps in touch via email and we see each other whenever we're in town. The thing is that because of the rapport that I shared with Matt growing up and going through school together, we are better long-distance friends and business partners (I can't prove it, but I believe it). Anyway, I've been there--the "not exactly most popular"--and that's not a good excuse (IMHO). Granted, you're a different person in a different place, maybe everyone there really is a jerk. ;)
A funny thing happened Senior year though--I became more cool. Honestly. Thing is, I didn't do anything. Other people just began to grow up. It was really nice. One guy in my grade that had been a bitter enemy in middle school became a friend later in high school, and we keep in touch via email and see each other occassionally. People change--which is both good and bad.
I don't want to beat a dead horse, but I'll just agree with the others that you can meet people on the Internet you never otherwise would, and that's really cool. But Eva is correct that some people (not saying anyone here does) use the Internet as a shield from human contact, and I agree that's not cool.
In some sort of warped analogy, the Internet opens doors, but it shouldn't close the "regular" doors. A full life certainy has room for everyone.
yeah, i kinda use the internet to shield myself from real people :P
thats whats so great about ordering pizza online....no need to talk to the personon the phone!